So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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