I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
