you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
