You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
