I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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