The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
