saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
