dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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