Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
