Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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