and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
