i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
