well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
