Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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