the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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