i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
