He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
