He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
