Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
