You can't motorboat a personality
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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