sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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