Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we made out on top of his cat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize