How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
