hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
