thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
