I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
