yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize