There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
