I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
