Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
