You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
