dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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