i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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