GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i will never coherently bang her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize