look no pants
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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