Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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