So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize