So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
