Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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