I cut my penus on the lid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
