i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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