When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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