well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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