DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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