pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
