Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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