therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
