My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
