I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
