I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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