HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
false alarm, still single
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