there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
