the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
