Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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