M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
