I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
