I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
