I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
did you just send me my own nude
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize