dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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