I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
