4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish my penis had an off switch
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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