I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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