He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
