i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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