loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
