I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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